Not Africa

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Not Africa.

Looking back I’m not so sure why I was afraid of Africa.  Growing up, when I would sit in church listening to missionaries talk of going to Africa.  I would say to myself anywhere but Africa, ANYWHERE but Africa.  Maybe it was all fear, in fact for me, that is all it was.  I was afraid of the dark continent; of lions, disease, and even death.

Well, I have learned through my life story that there are many things worse than those.  My idealism of the perfect life here in America was shattered through divorce, abandonment, death, abuse, a broken marriage, and having a sick child of my own.

Life has in no way been what I had dreamed of.  Maybe it looks idealistic from the outside in, but that is not the real story.  The real story is of great pain and loss.  Fighting with God, screaming in the dark and then….…

I gave up.

But not in the way you might think, in a good way.  In a way where I was stripped of so much I quit kicking at the darkness and realized God had plans for my life despite my brokeness and seeing what I thought would bring me happiness never did.

Life, it’s all a fleeting moment.  Every good memory, every bad memory, they all slip right through our hands and the only thing that lasts is LOVE, Pure Love, God’s Love. His love for you, His love for me, and His love for the single voice of a crying orphan in Africa.

And then he opened every financial door for me to go with Kadison to Africa and meet “her babies” as she calls them. So it was decided we were going.

It was a crazy week leading up to the trip.  My youngest daughter ended up in the hospital, I sat in the doctors office hearing I would probably need surgery when I returned and yet I knew I was still supposed to go.  To let go and go….…

to love…to give…to hug…to hold…to laugh…to be HIS hands and feet


And this song came to mind and became my prayer.…

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

-“Oceans”


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